Sick of goofy Hallmark crap? Try these greeting cards from Apoplectic Press, where Bob Mannseichner pairs penny-dreadful imagery with brutally honest sentiments such as this: “It seems that membership in this astonishingly bovine and superficial consumer cult entails the inconceivably bizarre notion that – in order to commemorate one another’s significant life events – we must exchange mass produced bits of folded paper imprinted with illustrations and prose we haven’t even created, as though gruelling mall expeditions spent rummaging through aisles of cheesy cards symbolise the effort we could have put into actually making a card ourselves. So, against my better judgement – because I truly believe you deserve something infinitely more unique and intimate – here is my little contribution to the mass delusion. Happy Birthday!”