Now, I’m all for fashion that breaks the rules, messes things up, and takes things out of context, but breasts are supposed to be attractive, right? RIGHT? Here they look like a pair of alien eyeballs peeking up through what looks like a punk attempt at a track suit–and no, not in a good way–made even worse by Miss Creepynipples’ ren-faire hair(and crimped!). Way to go, Antonio Berardi.

It’s well-known by now that all that backstage champage has posed problems of alcoholism for many a model, but this isn’t exactly something you want to flaunt, is it? Well, not unless you’re Galliano.

Oh, lovely! Survivor chic from Diesel! What a brave departure from pouty glam: a prematurely aging chickie staggering around exhausted in cheapo flip-flops, in desperate need of sunblock, looking for all the world like there should be a car with three screaming kids in it lurking around somewhere. And that stick across her back? Oh, nothing, just a metaphor.

The faeries’ version of cigarette girls, via Arkadius.

This pink satin gown by Ji Haye starts off nicely at the top, with a droop of fabric across the back shoulders, long, fitted sleeves like femme gauntlets, and a sweet bow tied at the back waist…and the rest of it just looks like a freakin’ bedspread. (Note from 2010: I would love something like this for lounging around my apartment. It’s like the world’s most decadent Snuggie.)

Frank Sorbier. What happens when your Fairy Godmother forgets her magic wand and simply barfs a new ballgown all over you.

Givenchy. I actually kind of like this. While some snarkiness about wearing a Lite Brite set is inevitable, it looks very Hellraiser. Well done! Well, kind of.